How Alexina got here
I was 28 and at what looked from the outside like the top of my life — successful in fashion, visible, busy — when I hit a wall I couldn't explain. I'd been in talking therapy since I was 18. It had served me well for a long time. But I'd reached the edge of what it could do, and I was still in pain I couldn't locate or name.
One afternoon, running, I came within a moment of stepping in front of a bus. Someone pulled me back. I sank to my knees on the pavement and genuinely couldn't believe what I'd almost done.
What followed wasn't a clean conversion to anything. I started meditating — mostly because I needed somewhere for the pressure to go. My grandfather, who had died just before my eighteenth birthday and had been coming to me in vivid dreams ever since, started coming through more clearly. Things began appearing in meditation that later turned out to be true: a friend's pregnancy before she knew herself, a vision of armed men three days before the Ukraine war broke out. I didn't go looking for this. It came and kept coming until I had to take it seriously.
In April 2023, after months of daily practice, something shifted in a way I still struggle to describe. Three hours in meditation that felt like twenty minutes, and then the next morning I woke up and the inner noise was just gone. I was walking around counting to fill the silence. That was the awakening, I think, though I only understood it as such later.
I've been a model for seventeen years and I still am. I don't experience those two parts of my life as contradictions. I've also never fully shed my own skepticism — it never entirely left me, even as the channeling became undeniable — and I think that's actually useful. It means I understand what it feels like to need real answers and get vague ones. I will ask the same question three different ways inside a session before I'll let something go unclarified.
The work always ends with something practical, something the client can actually do. Because I know from my own experience that insight without somewhere to put it doesn't move anything.
