You Don't Have to Be Good at Meditation

You sit down to meditate, close your eyes, and try to focus on your breathing. Within seconds, you're thinking about what to make for dinner, a message you haven't answered, or something you said yesterday that you wish you hadn't. You bring your attention back, then lose it again. Eventually, you open your eyes and decide that meditation probably isn't for you.

It's an easy conclusion to reach, especially if you expected to feel peaceful. We often come to meditation with an image of what it should look like: someone sitting comfortably, eyes closed, apparently free of the thoughts that keep the rest of us busy. We can't see what's happening inside their head, but we assume they've achieved something we haven't.

So we try harder. We attempt to empty our minds, become frustrated when we can't, and turn a few minutes of sitting quietly into another thing we're failing at.

Your mind is allowed to wander

Many meditation practices involve choosing something to rest your attention on, such as your breath, the sounds around you, or the sensations in your body. Your attention will wander. When you notice, you gently bring it back.

That return is part of the practice. You haven't ruined the meditation because you remembered an appointment or spent a minute mentally rewriting an email. The moment you realise you've drifted gives you an opportunity to become aware of where your attention has gone.

There may be days when that happens constantly. You might spend most of the time noticing thoughts and returning to your breath. It can feel repetitive, even irritating. But you don't need to reach a perfectly quiet state for those minutes to count.

Perhaps the most useful thing you notice is how quickly you judge yourself. You become distracted, then immediately think, "I'm terrible at this." Meditation gives you a chance to recognise that response too, and practise returning without making yourself wrong.

You don't have to feel peaceful

We also tend to judge meditation by how we feel afterwards. If we're calmer, it worked. If we're still restless or upset, we assume it didn't.

Calm can be a welcome part of meditation, but it isn't something we can demand from every session. Sometimes, when we stop keeping ourselves occupied, we become more aware of what we're carrying. We notice tension, sadness, impatience, or how tired we are.

That can be uncomfortable. You might have been hoping for a break from your feelings, and instead find yourself sitting beside them with fewer distractions.

You don't have to force yourself to stay with anything that feels overwhelming. You can open your eyes, notice the room around you, move your body, or stop. There is room to approach the practice gently and find what feels manageable.

Some days, sitting quietly may help you understand what you need. Other days, a walk or a conversation may be more helpful.

Finding a way that suits you

There are different ways to meditate, and the first one you try may not suit you. Some people appreciate a guided meditation because having a voice to follow gives their attention somewhere to go. Others prefer silence, a repeated phrase, or a walking practice.

You don't need a special cushion or a particular posture. Sitting in a chair is fine. Your eyes can be open. You can begin with a couple of minutes rather than committing to a long session you already feel reluctant to do.

For a gentle starting point, sit comfortably and notice where your body meets the chair or the floor. Let your breathing happen naturally, and pay attention to how it feels. When your mind wanders, acknowledge where it went and return to the next breath. If focusing on your breathing feels uncomfortable, you could listen to the sounds around you instead.

You may finish and feel very little has happened. That's okay. You gave yourself a few minutes to pay attention without having to respond to everything that crossed your mind.

Over time, you might notice moments in daily life when that practice becomes useful. You catch yourself rushing and slow down. You recognise that you're becoming defensive during a conversation. You notice an anxious thought without immediately following it through every possible outcome. Those moments may matter more to you than how peaceful you look while sitting with your eyes closed.

Letting go of the score

It can be surprisingly difficult to do something without assessing our performance. We're used to measuring progress, and we want evidence that our effort is worthwhile. Even in meditation, we may find ourselves comparing today's session with yesterday's, or our experience with someone else's.

But each time we sit down, we're meeting ourselves as we are that day. Some days we're settled. Some days we're distracted. A busy mind doesn't make you less spiritual, and struggling to sit still doesn't mean you lack the ability to know yourself.

You can be curious about your experience without grading it. What did you notice? How did you respond when your attention wandered? Could you give yourself a little more patience next time?

You don't have to become someone who is "good at meditation" before you're allowed to practise. You can begin with the mind you have, including the shopping list and the unfinished conversation. There is no need to wait until you're already calm.

Would you like some guidance finding a practice that suits you?

Whether you're curious about meditation, struggling to slow down, or looking for a deeper connection with yourself, an Orykl Session offers space to explore what feels right for you with a vetted spiritual practitioner. You can bring your questions and begin wherever you are.

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